The Goat: Expectations Exceeded
I figured I’d hang out at The Goat for just a little while, because Sunday night means it’s just a few hours until Monday morning. There’s no way I would want to stay out until 2am and then get up at 6am to get myself ready for work and my son ready for school (I fix his lunch — it’s our tradition). But with him out of town with Grandma, I had some flexibility. I figured it was my best chance to check out what looked like a promising little joint.
Walking in the door, it was pretty much like the Dallas Observer reviewer said — a dive bar with a stage. If it weren’t for the stage in the corner, it would have been pretty similar to One Nostalgia Place, the joint where I sang “in the wild” for the first time. The two TVs that worked (out of three) weren’t flatscreens — they were big old heavy tube TVs, with analog snow from not-quite-perfect converter box connections. The padding on the bar was held together with red duct tape, and Christmas lights hung from the ceiling. The tables had once been festooned with pictures and postcards, but the thin lacquer protecting them had been largely picked away, leaving odd rectangular bumps with occasional snippets of scenery. It was awesome!
It was immediately clear where The Goat’s operating budget goes — liquor and music. The stage, though small, sported two big speakers, suspended from the ceiling with professional-looking, solid but acoustically transparent mountings. Behind the bar sparkled a glittering array of fermented spirits, all ready to pour on a moment’s notice. Even better, when I went up to the bar, I had my Tequila Sunrise delivered fast and strong. No cherry, but that’s ok — I’ll take a cherry’s worth of tequila any day, and if the ladies really need to see me tie the stem in a knot with my tongue, I’ll bring my own jar.
Great start... but when I sat down at a table facing the stage, I noticed that it was... empty. It was almost nine, by the bar’s clock, but there was no Karaoke setup to be seen. In fact, the whole place was pretty empty. The bartender said maybe it’d be 30 minutes or so... and listening to the conversations revealed why. The Dallas Cowboys were on TV. Everything in this town stops for the damned Cowboys. I’m not a football fan — I prefer baseball. You play less than two dozen games in football and it’s all over? That’s not enough time to tell anything! Play a couple dozen baseball games, and you’re not even 1/6 of the way through the season. But the mumbling at the bar was that Karaoke would probably start after the game... and it was just now halftime. And I’d already started on my Tequila Sunrise... couldn’t go home now, I was going to have to wait it out.
Things I learned while waiting:
* All the clocks at The Goat are set 15 minutes ahead of the actual time. Must be a bar thing. Good idea, when you think it through.
* A friendly game of pool is fun to watch, especially when played between two good friends with an excellent command of expletives.
* Having your ex-wife call to shoot the sh*t is a great way to find out how fast you can down that Tequila Sunrise.
Just about then, though, the Karaoke crew arrived. It was a couple of guys and Carmen, the lady who runs the show. They looked tired setting up, but you could see them relax as the setup came together. To my surprise, it wasn’t just a PC and a monitor... I saw them putting up a drum set and a keyboard. Now, I had *just* added someone called KaraokeLiveBand to my Twitter list, but this seemed unreal — there were going to be live instruments behind the singer? Yep, said Carmen. Sometimes it’s just the drums, but tonight there would be keyboard accompaniment as well. Things were looking up.
Now, her songbooks were... chaotic, to say the least. There were several, and they all had different song lists. And she didn’t actually have request slips... she had pieces of random recycled flyers. (Makes sense — you don’t think the DJ keeps your song requests for posterity, right?) Carmen said that you could write a song on the slip and give her a backup song in case she couldn’t find it. I lucked out, though... I found “I Like Dreamin’” by Kenny Nolan. I filled out a couple of slips and held on to them, waiting more folks to show up — I still had no idea what the mood of the joint would be.
After the jump: The Good (and the Awesome!), the Bad, and Me.
Well, I kinda had to go ahead and submit my slip. A trio, two girls and a guy, at the table next to mine were going through the books, but one of the ladies– she sang as “Lorisaurus” — didn’t want to be first. So I offered to help by being the first one to submit a slip. She had a wonderful smile! That was definitely worth going first. On top of that, she looked a lot like Lisa Loeb.
The Cowboys game wasn’t anywhere near over, but suddenly the bar wasn’t empty. I saw some guys with slicked-back hair and sequined shirts give Carmen their slips... you could tell they weren’t just at a bar and decided to sing Karaoke. They were in it for real. I asked Carmen if she wanted to move me down the list — if my mellow song wouldn’t fit — but she said it was fine, and that she doesn’t bother adjusting for style until later in the night.
Pretty soon the floodgates opened. In a wink, half of East Dallas was crammed into the little bar! And the game was still on... but not for us. Carmen asked if the crowd wanted to get started — well, she kind of told the crowd that they wanted to get started, and whether by collective desire or the force of her personality, they agreed. The TVs were muted and the singing started... with me.
The combination of the Karaoke disc and the live accompaniment was really cool. They blended perfectly, which really does tell you something about the ability of the musicians. Wish I could say the same for myself — still coming off a cold, my high notes were mushy, and I failed the beginning of the song *again*! It’s a tricky beginning without a downbeat or anything... I’m going to have to look at the monitor and count. The little squares on the screen aren’t just for decoration.
But the next song showed how the rest of the night would go... these people *know* what they’re doing. “Lorisaurus” was next, and delivered a hilarious — but vocally awesome — rendition of “Baby Got Back” (“I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can’t deny...”). Next was a passable rendition of Patsy Cline’s “Crazy”. So far, pretty average Karaoke night, right? It wouldn’t stay that way.
The guy with the sequins came up — and you couldn’t tell he wasn’t the original singer. Except, maybe *better*. There were others like that, too — lots of them. Carmen said something about stage names — she was making sure to use the names on the cards, but she clearly knew these singers by another name. I eventually realized... these folks with the awesome voices weren’t just schmoes like me. They were performers in their own right, people who did this sort of thing for a living. What do you do if you love music — your life revolves around music — and you want to go have some fun? You find a little joint on a cold Sunday night and sing like nobody’s listening. No agents, no promoters, no critics... just a bunch of dancers (crammed into the space in front of the bar’s front door), some backup, and a microphone. All mixed with a liberal sprinkling of high-octane alcohol.
In the middle of all that, I came up again. I did “Tell Her About It” by Billy Joel — not in the book, but Carmen turned it up. To my surprise, I got dancers! There weren’t people dancing to every song, so I felt pretty good. I may have disappointed somewhat, though... the cold kept my voice swampy, and most of the dancers had returned to their seats by the end of the song. I like that... it’s honest! Started good, got muddy, better luck next time. One awesome-looking lady with a headband and a biker-inspired outfit was singing along and giving huge encouragement... she went on later and belted out an amazing performance, after a wonderfully funny (and expletive-laden) exchange with some of the other folks.
In fact, there was a constant back-and-forth between the singers and their friends in the audience. And there wasn’t the slightest hint of shyness about being on stage — or playfully upstaging each other. Of course, this drove poor Carmen nuts at times! She laid down the law more than once — she called someone out (not by name) for complaining about the wait after setting their drink on her computer. Another time, she mentioned that she’s frm Hawaii, and that there’s *rules* for how Karaoke works. In places where Karaoke is taken seriously, I think, the DJ demands and receives Respect with a capital R. At the same time, the whole bunch was a big happy family, with Carmen as the Mama — if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. People were happy last night.
I should mention, though, that I saw something I thought I’d never see... a bad female Karaoke singer. I knew it was possible in theory... but I’d never seen it in person. Wow. But it’s over in three and a half minutes... anyone can deal with that. Especially when it’s followed up with something awesome. Later, the worst male Karaoke ever was heard, but the audio memory was erased entirely by another professional-level performance.
I sang my first song at about 9:30... my second song was probably after midnight. Carmen told me I probably wouldn’t come up again, and I didn’t... but I stayed until the last song. Carmen announced that everyone had to be out of the bar by the time the song was over — as expected, nobody listened. But I went ahead and headed out, 20 past 2am by the bar’s 15-minute-fast clock. Boy, was it hard getting up for work today... thank goodness for “Flex Time”!
If I were any good with faces, I’m almost certain I’d have recognized some of the performers. One of the later ones looked so familiar — a rugged but gentle-looking, very tall man, with long grey hair, I would swear he was someone I should know frm the Texas Music on KHYI.
And the sweet lady with the wonderful smile and glasses... maybe she doesn’t just *look* like Lisa Loeb. She said she might sing a duet with me if I’m there next Sunday — that she would have sang a straight-up song, but she’s got a cold too, so she went for something funny. I can’t say whether I’ll make it, since I’ll be back to Dad Mode by then. But even if I can’t make it back to The Goat, I’m sure glad I was there last night.